As a fifth-year teacher, I have spent many hours lamenting aspects of the teaching profession. Now, however, I think I have reached the edge. Statistically, 27 percent of teachers leave the profession within five years. I would also venture to say that that figure represents the top and bottom of the pool Here's why:

A.) The best teachers are the ones who despite large class sizes, a paucity of resources and prep time, and the inordinate demands of duties and paperwork, make it work. But after a few years of busting rump, these hardworking teachers are disillusioned. Partially because of the bureaucracy; partially because of the lack of respect from students (this is the least of my complaints), parents, and administration (my biggest complaint). And predominantly because the working conditions are truly unhealthy--mentally and physically.

B.) The worst teachers stay because they are as inadequate as the system in which they work (or don't work as the case may be). Bad teachers don't care much. They don't care if they are unprepared; they don't care if their lessons are boring or superficial. Bad teachers don't care if students truly learn. They provide little feedback and little variety. They don't take work home because multiple choice tests are easy to grade and can be graded during a single prep period.

To really make it work, a good teacher must take work home. Of course the standard retort: "Every professional takes work home." Well, most of those professionals know that taking work home and working harder during the day translates to higher earnings. Not so teaching. No matter how hard I work, and no matter how little other teachers may work, we will continue to get paid the same meagre salary. Again, the standard retort: "That's the bed that teacher's union made." Well, in my opinion, the Union wet the bed. I want compensation for my hard work, and I want squatters (I'll describe this type of teacher later) making what they're worth--squat.

Teachers take home hours and hours of work because there isn't sufficient prep time during the day. For every eight day cycle I teach 30 hours. To prepare for these classes: to research and develop lessons and materials, make photocopies, set up equipment or materials, I have 12 hours of prep time. Additionally, 2 of these hours are designated support periods to work with students. (These hours can be filled with additional duties whenever administration deems it necessary.)

And of course, students produce work that must be reviewed and assessed. Am I also expected to review and assess the work for 120 students in this time as well? Consider I have one page papers (though most of the time papers are much longer) from each of my 120 students in a single 8 day cycle. I would have only six minutes to read and provide feedback for each of these papers, and this only if I were to use all my prep time for correcting. So, in reality, I can either prep or assess, but not both, in the time alloted to us contractually. So, when is the work completed? If you don't care about providing quality experiences for your students, you do the correcting at work and do no or minimal provisioning. If you do care about the quality of lessons and materials, you take the work home. For the first three years of teaching, I took home no less than three hours every night. I usually slept 5 hours a night, but at least once every week, and sometimes more often, I slept only three. I was so sleep deprived that I didn't realize that my short-term memory was practically non-functioning. My husband resented me for ignoring him and my own son for the sake of other people's children. My students go the best of me: my energy, my imagination, my patience; my family got what little was left after each exhausting day. On some days I teach 5 out of the 6 hour blocks. On occasion, because the administration has added a community building period once per week called "Community Seminar," I actually teach 6 classes (an additional 25 minutes) and lose 25 minutes of my precious prep time. And I haven't even begun to explain the obstacles that eat away at this precious time every day: non-functioning technology, emails from administration, chatty students and colleagues, etc.

So, the good teachers work their tails off, quite literally, like the Greek Ouroboros. (I would now be eating my own @$$ if it hadn't already been kicked by this school year.) I am utterly exhausted.

I took a mental sick day yesterday and I physical sick day today. I brought my son to school and picked him up both days, something I have only done a handful of times in two years. I loved it. He often complains that he hates school--first grade! No one is supposed to hate school in the first grade! But he has said more than once how great the past two days were because i was there. I helped the students journal and practice for a puppet show; I ate lunch in the cafeteria with Harry and his friends; I went to a class breakfast this morning and spoke to other parents, kids, and his teacher. It seems absurd when I think about it, but I have spent more time at my students' sporting events and dances than I have at my own son's school plays and such.

I am angry at myself, of course. But I am also angry at the system that has made me have to choose between a job that I love and my own family. Between grading papers and sleeping.

I think I am finished. I have too much self-respect, too much love for my family, too little tolerance for the inefficiencies, inequities, and incompetencies to continue.